The Journey

It seems like it is crying time again. In trying to analyze this I am thinking the main contributor is the fact I have not been taking any antidepressant because of an enlarged liver and increased enzymes. But there are also some other physical problems brewing in my body too that could contribute to the tears and weeping.

So much of this journey has been lonely and done alone. Now that fact is magnified a few days out of every month where my emotions are depressed and I think and cry. And I cry over anything and everything and it has not been something I can stop. So right now I can not help but feel alone and slipping.

I thought some relief had come my way to find out it was not what I thought it was but it has been a welcome change. Financial problems continue, changes keep coming in social security, I would like more space but can not afford it, had some tire problems today and because I did not pay closer attention to my account racked up overdraft charges, that I don't want to confess to anyone, but they will cut into my SS big time. Hopefully I have that interview next week and can get a possible start date to ease the money plight that began in June when I signed for that car for Kary and Mike and the insurance killed me. Just as I was going to recover I mess up. Hopefully I won't lose the food stamps and Nov is a short month.

Poverty feels like it has secured itself in my life. I am a registered nurse, widowed in poverty and I just can't believe this is the life I was intended to have.

Then there are church issues should gays take communion? Is the gospel a "social justice" gospel? Why do we need education regarding race reconciliation? Why can't more people help with church ministries? It seems these are the same battles that have been pulling at the church since it's inception. The letter of Hebrews deals with Jews who want to revert to their tradition because it was familiar to them and easy. Romans is about Christian duties, Galatians argued grace vs law, Ephesians addresses unity among believers, Philippians looks at the love Christ has for His church, and Philemon encourages forgiveness of another. James instructs us that our faith should bring a change in our priorities and behaviors. I think all these questions are answered in the letters maybe not verbatim but in the matters of forgiveness, love and how we treat others. And I this too makes me cry.