It has been quite a few weeks. Having to move when I had just started a job and not knowing how I would support myself yet it has been God's provision and through my income that has kept me going. Blessings of furnishings from friends and family like a love seat, microwave cart, kitchen towels, curtains, table and chairs. A beautiful hand made cedar chest. It has been good. I am enjoying my little apartment and thankful for God's provision.
During the move however I hurt my knee which at this point 8 weeks out it makes it very difficult to walk on but I am thankful for my friend and Pt person giving me some exercises to work the muscles and prepare it for surgery. Now as patients and income has dwindled I am praying that God help me to trust Him to provide.
Emotions have begun to overrun me this last couple a weeks as a friend of my son passed away on October 20 at 27 leaving a child behind. Another friend grandson died in a car accident at 27 leaving 3 children behind. Then this week the son of fellow church members is diagnosed with cancer, another son dies because of blood clots in the lungs, and I see a friend of 33 years who has stage 4 Mesothelioma. A church member finds out she has ALS, another is "hit" by a car in her parking lot. Others have had joint surgeries, skin wounds that need healing and have grieved family members, others have had surgeries for other complications in their body. Another friend moves from her home of 17 years where she raised her children and celebrated a family.
There seems to be so much grief, pain. heartache, and disappointment. And the answer to why does not make any of it better or different nor does it make it go away. As I pray and cry out to my Heavenly Father I hear the Spirit say in a message from my Pastor that, "He is still on His heavenly throne, He is the first and the last, the beginning and the end, He is present today and holds tomorrow in His hands.
The Spirit speaks to my heart that none of this can separate us from His love, the whole earth is His and all who dwell in it, we are the apple of His eye and He has engraved us on the palms of His hand. His love endures forever and His mercies are new every morning. Our weeping may endure for a night and not necessarily a 12 hour night but a dark night of the soul but joy will come in the morning.
Now as I sit here and continue to listen the Spirit whispers to occupy until Christ returns by loving my God with all my heart, mind, and soul, to love my neighbor as myself, and to embrace the body of Christ around me and look to them for love, support, and the ability to get through. Because only as we link together as cells in our own physical bodies do will we be able to keep walking and have hope that is anchored firmly and secure, because Jesus has become our high priest and this is the hope we can encourage one another in. This life is so crushing and many times one crushing event rolls in right after another and it is the hope of receiving a kingdom that can not be shaken and where they will be no more tears, where there will be no more death, and the light is the Lamb of God. The hope of that kingdom is what is to spur us on to bring joy in the morning and be an oil of gladness over our raw, hurting souls and before we know it we will be crossing that river ourselves.
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