Identity

Identity. Identity is something we all have or crave. Some times people want to change their identity because they are running away from something or someone. There are thieves that will steal your identity to gain things and money for themselves.

Today I wondered what my identity was anymore and I wonder how I would/could identify myself. I am now a widow versus a wife and I really don't like the label widow. Single is ok now. I am unemployed instead of employed. The state  welfare system sees me as disabled but that is not a label I want to wear either. I am a care taker of those that are disabled, ill, in need of an advocate. Now I find myself with the label of disabled.

Now to identify myself so that I can feel a part of this society. I am still a mother, sister and now a grandmother. I am a nurse and I can put myself in other work related roles. I guess my true identity and the one that will never change or go away is my identity as a child of God. His beloved. If I remember to see myself as this I will not ever feel lost or orphaned because I will always belong to Him and be a part of His kingdom.

"They will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12

Once again I have bee reflecting on these words again thinking about the greater works Jesus' is talking about. Have you seen any greater works recently? How would you describe them and what would they look like? I think these greater works are works that the "Church" is doing right now in urban areas, in churches, and in the lives of His people. For example:

Last week 3 of us in my home congregation had major surgeries; a heart by-pass and valve repair, Trigeminal Neuralgia neurosurgery and a total knee replacement. Any one of these operations could have had debilitating results or life ending results instead prayers began descending the heavenward before the scheduled dates, on the day and every day since. God has done a great work all of us had good outcomes, we are recovering one-day-at-a-time with successes and set backs. 

The journeys each of us have been on have varied in length and yet the church has been amid the curves, valleys, swamps, and hills regardless if skies have been blue or grey someone has reached out with a word or a card or email or visit. The chruch body has been there with meals, cards, flowers, visits, laundry help, no bake cookies and cupcakes.  

Greater works, yes they are happening in the church we just have to open the "eyes of our hearts" and see them. Because they are there in all of God's glory and goodness.

Saying Goodbye

The news came via a message in Facebook that a friend from Fremont had passed away in the middle of February. The memories came rushing back of listening her play her organ, watching her grow spiritually and the conversations we had along the way, gatherings with her family and some of the banquets we attended together. I was also friends with some of her kids and would babysit for them. I was not able to go the funeral because I did not have a ride of a car but modern technology allowed me to leave a note to the family.

The weekend came and I was told of another friend, one I called aunt had passed away unexpectedly and what a shock. My sister and I did go to that funeral and we were able to reminisces with others and she died two days before my mom did 18 years earlier.

A week ago more news came of another friend who had cancer had completed her earthly journey and her memorial was earlier this week. Fond memories of staying with them during a conference, retreats, ceramics, cake decorating, and other crafts. Even though we didn't see each other a lot we were always able to pick up right were we had left off the last time and spend hours talking.

I is so hard to say good-bye. Each person that goes it is like a part of me is leaving too. I am so thankful for the encouragement of the scripture that says I will see them all again. The Good-bye is only for now being and if for no other reason that the hope to see everyone again I would believe in Heaven. I relish the peace that belief gives me as I walk along this earthly road. I enjoy the hope that one day I will see all the people I love again in new form.

Hebrews 12:1 states, "Now that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside the weights that bring us down, the sin that so easily besets us." The scripture has a real meaning to me now as those whom I love are in that cloud of witnesses.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I can hardly believe that another year is coming to an end and in 13 more days we will be celebrating 2013! It has been a long year and yet other ways it has flown by like time had been given wings. It is very hard for me to describe this year but I can say God has continued to lead me, guide me and teach me.

            A joyous New Year’s Party at the Zimmerman’s house started the year and it was so good to get to know them on a more personal level and to just fellowship is what started my New Year off.

            In February grandchild number 8 made his debut on February 25, at 7:00 and turned a day that 6 years earlier marked a day of sorrow to a day of rejoicing. Thomas Jack Eli Rastall joined the family and as Gwen stated at one point, “Ain’t that just like God, He recycles.” Maybe in some ways he does but I do know for sure He restores and He restored some joy to my heart that day.

            I also thought I had found a job that month but it turns out that an allergy to cats is more limiting that I ever knew and had to give the job up. So the job hunt continued and at that point unemployment decided that I had voluntarily quit and cut me off from all benefits completely. That decision left me without any income and really caused me to question if I was in God’s will and where I might have ran off the road.

            I kept sending out resumes and kept myself available and kept searching. Another opportunity came my way in May with a home care agency that was attempting to establish a presence in the Muskegon area.

            June brought Sam and Brian and the kids came for a visit in June but I was living with my Aunt and she did not feel she could handle the house full of kids and added adults so the wonderful Ms. Elaine Klemm came to our rescue and let them stay at her home. What a tremendous blessing to myself and the kids. I found out later that the house became Ambree’s dream house. Thankfully it was warm enough in June to spend much time swimming and at the beach. Sam and Brian continue to stay with his parents in IL while he completed a property management course and continued job hunting himself. Currently Gwen, 9 and Ambree, 8 are homeschooled and Abi 2 and Thomas Jack now 9 months on Christmas day are enjoying the time with Grandma and Grandpa.

            Mike and Kary remain in Muskegon and both are now working with Port City Products. Mike had to have carpal tunnel surgery this summer but has healed well. Laben 11, Noah 8, Jaylee 4, and Acelynn 2 keep both parents very busy. The boys played pee-wee football at Oakridge this fall and were very excited that Laben team earned first place and Noah’s team came in third. Jaylee started “pretty school” this fall which is her terminology for pre-school. At Ravenna head start she cooks and draws pictures.

            Tim has relocated to Grand Rapids working with Springthrough as an application developer. He has a house on Wealthy St. and has a special someone he has been communicating with since this fall.

            The year is closing out another holiday season upon on us and again I find myself searching for a job. Spending time with Mike and Kary and the kids and enjoying some Sunday dinners together. I was blessed with a color tour through the U.P. and enjoyed another CCDA conference in the great Twin Cities that God opened doors for a day before it started. Elaine took me and another friend to the Gaither Homecoming Christmas concert which was really a 4 hour worship service and blessed my holiday fun.

I have experienced His care for me in ways that have been tailored just for me and I am overwhelmed how God brought so many moments together for me. The scripture that has been permeating my spirit this season is, “and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7 (NIV) I am looking in my own heart to make sure there is room for Jesus. How about you? Is there room for Jesus? I want Him to have all the room He wants and I surrender all has taken new meaning for me. This is not easy for me because I had ideas and plans but I am so thankful that God loves me too much to leave with a deceitful heart about all else or a heart of stone but is giving me that heart of flesh.

Thank you my friends and family for blessing my life in ways that has made me a better person all around. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

A Heart of Gratitude

Years ago I learned a slogan that went, "Gratitude will change your attitude." I have used this slogan many times and I have learned about myself that if I start "giving thanks" for what God has done in my life it is very hard to stay in a self-pity frame of mind.

As our country gets ready to take some moments out to actually pause and give thanks on Thursday God has been molding my heart to look daily every day of the week every week of the month and every month of the year to focus on one day of troubles and look for things to be thankful for. Now I have not done a stellar job of being thankful each and every day and I have started to plummet and focus on my station in life right now and whine and complain but each day and month is getting better.

The big thing right now is to make a conscious effort and to focus with the help of the Holy Spirit to start thinking about things to give thanks for. To focus and work on this day I have been given. To seek and pray to see what God wants me to do that day. To see what He will or has put in my life for that day. To say thank you.

Community

Tonight I went to a visitation for a young man who had passed away last week and had to wait in line to get to the family. I was awestruck! They had two lines going into the funeral chapel and the people kept coming. I was thankful there had been a private time for the family because there was none of that today at either visitation.

While I was standing in line a thoughts struck me about community, how we interact in each others lives and with other people, how a chance meeting could have a life long result, about people in the body of Christ but not only that but about a community in general. The families had been part of two communities for a long time and had work and served in both. They attended church, supported school activities, opened their homes to their children's friends, and to their neighborhoods. Their children had followed their example. The result of this example was the people that have sent their condolences, food, support, cards and love.

I listened as comments were made about how the families had touched the communities they live, work, fellowship, and play in. A revelation of sorts has started to form about being a part of a community and about what that means as a Jesus follower.

I have heard over the years of course that the job of the church was to "win souls for Christ", for heaven, to help them escape eternal damnation or an eternity in hell. I have heard we are preach to the poor, set the captive free, bind up the broken-hearted. I have heard we are to preach to the ends of the earth and that we should be a community unto our own and shut the rest of the world out and wait to fly away. It is all true and I believe most of what has been said.

But what I seen tonight just really made a gospel real. Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your soul. This is the greatest commandment. The second greatest commandment is, "Love your neighbor as yourself." John in his three letters talks much about loving God and loving each other and even though Jesus said that we would do greater works than He and certain signs would follow those that confessed His name. I am sure we all would have rejoiced had this young man sit up in his casket, well after we got over the shock of that happening but what greater "sign" could there have been than that kind of love and caring.

A sign of the sacrifice many people made to take time and drive to another city, to stand in line, to bear others up whose hearts are breaking. To witness several communities to come together to lift up another friend, relative, co-worker, and church goer. To know that each person was bearing an image of God to each other there even.

This is what, I am sure, Isaiah was referring to when he wrote to preach the gospel to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, and give an oil of gladness for a spirit of mourning. This is what Jesus was talking about in His priestly prayer to His Father to "make his followers one just as you and I are one." In a world that is torn by disappointment, grief, hurt, and all those ugly emotions but we can even rejoice with one another when a new child is added to our family, we achieve a goal, a diploma, a new job, or to care for one another after a surgery, a car accident, a move or a change from the daily grind.

I seen it tonight, I have experienced in my own life, and I have seen it in larger venues such as conferences this is when the Jesus follower's shine. It is with this sign, this love, this feeling of community that the world will truly see a God unlike any other gods of the world.

The Days Go By

It has been quite a few weeks. Having to move when I had just started a job and not knowing how I would support myself yet it has been God's provision and through my income that has kept me going. Blessings of furnishings from friends and family like a love seat, microwave cart, kitchen towels, curtains, table and chairs. A beautiful hand made cedar chest. It has been good. I am enjoying my little apartment and thankful for God's provision.

During the move however I hurt my knee which at this point 8 weeks out it makes it very difficult to walk on but I am thankful for my friend and Pt person giving me some exercises to work the muscles and prepare it for surgery.  Now as patients and income has dwindled I am praying that God help me to trust Him to provide.

Emotions have begun to overrun me this last couple a weeks as a friend of my son passed away on October 20 at 27 leaving a child behind. Another friend grandson died in a car accident at 27 leaving 3 children behind. Then this week the son of fellow church members is diagnosed with cancer, another son dies because of blood clots in the lungs, and I see a friend of 33 years who has stage 4 Mesothelioma. A church member finds out she has ALS, another is "hit" by a car in her parking lot. Others have had joint surgeries, skin wounds that need healing and have grieved family members, others have had surgeries for other complications in their body. Another friend moves from her home of 17 years where she raised her children and celebrated a family. 

There seems to be so much grief, pain. heartache, and disappointment. And the answer to why does not make any of it better or different nor does it make it go away. As I pray and cry  out to my Heavenly Father I hear the Spirit say in a message from my Pastor that, "He is still on His heavenly throne, He is the first and the last, the beginning and the end, He is present today and holds tomorrow in His hands.

The Spirit speaks to my heart that none of this can separate us from His love, the whole earth is  His and all who dwell in it, we are the apple of His eye and He has engraved us on the palms of  His hand. His love endures forever and His mercies are new every morning. Our weeping may endure for a night and not necessarily a 12 hour night but a dark night of the soul but joy will come in the morning.  

Now as I sit here and continue to listen the Spirit whispers to occupy until Christ returns by loving my God with all my heart, mind, and soul, to love my neighbor as myself, and to embrace the body of Christ around me and look to them for love, support, and the ability to get through. Because only as we link together as cells in our own physical bodies do will we be able to keep walking and have hope that is anchored firmly and secure, because Jesus has become our high priest and this is the hope we can encourage one another in. This life is so crushing and many times one crushing event rolls in right after another and it is the hope of receiving a kingdom that can not be shaken and where they will be no more tears, where there will be no more death, and the light is the Lamb of God. The hope of that kingdom is what is to spur us on to bring joy in the morning and be an oil of gladness over our raw, hurting souls and before we know it we will be crossing that river ourselves.