Journies

A wonderful holiday season is upon me! Christmas lunch at church, family dinners and sharing time with the kids and grand kids. But I have to admit that I have missing Mike for some reason it has been quite a bit closer this year. I wonder about how he would react with the grand kids and what he would think of Jay, Ace, Abi and Thomas Jack. There were only four when he passed and Ambree was the first biological and he LOVED video taping her and Gwen. When Laben and Noah were around he had the camera out then too. I should have a video of Noah's birthday party somewhere. The recent passing of a couple of people from church have certainly stirred those memories even more so.

Yet I have much to look forward to.

Aching

I feel so lonely this time of year with all the specials on tv of couples falling in love, dawning realities, and the wisp of romance. I look around and just would like someone to share that with to touch, watch football with, maybe even cook for.

I think about the sermon today on joy how I cannot manufacture it or create it but I do know it is there and I experience it when I am with my grandchildren, watching my nephew in the Singing Christmas Tree, being with friends shopping or worshiping with my family at church.

I wonder what might it be like to be in love again and it is easy for me to romanticize it but know that it can be all that.

I am excited to celebrate this season another time to be together with friends and family and I am excited to see what God does have in store for me another day.

A Note of Thanks

I have so enjoyed reading the things that you have posted that you are thankful for during this month of November. Even though I have not done a daily posting I thought I would put together this note because as I am reflecting during this 7^th year I am able to praise and thank God for many things.

My journey has had many ups, downs, twists, turns, hills, valleys, roadblocks and detours but as I look back I know God has been with me all the way. In reflection I know that in the brokenness God was healing me from life’s trauma and some of the toxicity I learned growing up. In the middle of this God provided people who would take me to church with them and I learned how Jesus loved me. This foundation is what would carry me through all my years and even now. There were some very valuable things I learned in my home growing up there were nurturing, how to care for others, how to work, and the value of education. But it also gave me a desire to change.

It was in this brokenness over many years but certainly in the last 7 I learned how God, “The Potter” reclaims the clay. The clay is soaked in His love, stirred with His hand, kneaded, wedged and kneaded some more to make a stronger vessel. On the wheel the clays goes to be shaped by his loving hands into a vessel of honor and He works with the clay until it submits to His will. I am thankful for His rebuilding of my life to live in freedom of His love. I am thankful for His restoration of relationships, of my commitment to Him and in relationships. I am thankful that He has renewed His vision in me and renewed in me His salvation from the empty life I could have lived.

God has blessed me with 3 wonderful children and the good relationships we have. I am thankful how God is working in their lives as they work out their life. I have 8 grandchildren I adore and they are healthy, bright and loving and they are doing well in school. I have a fine family.

I am thankful for my extended family and being able to keep in touch via face book or the internet. I am rich in friends and can cheer for them as their lives grow and change, pray for them, or give a word of encouragement.

I am thankful I can choose when, where, with whom, and how to worship. I am with a family of God that loves, prays, and reaches out to each other.

I am thankful God worked out my finances so that I can now live in peace and less anxiety. I am thankful for food, clothes, and a good place to sleep. I am thankful that I did not have to move. I am thankful there are bus stops close by and for people who are willing to give me rides.

I am thankful for my community that is interested in changing and working with each other and that is changing itself from the inside out and helping other neighbors along its way. I am thankful for so many things that a list, a note or even a book may not be large enough to hold them.

Identity

Identity. Identity is something we all have or crave. Some times people want to change their identity because they are running away from something or someone. There are thieves that will steal your identity to gain things and money for themselves.

Today I wondered what my identity was anymore and I wonder how I would/could identify myself. I am now a widow versus a wife and I really don't like the label widow. Single is ok now. I am unemployed instead of employed. The state  welfare system sees me as disabled but that is not a label I want to wear either. I am a care taker of those that are disabled, ill, in need of an advocate. Now I find myself with the label of disabled.

Now to identify myself so that I can feel a part of this society. I am still a mother, sister and now a grandmother. I am a nurse and I can put myself in other work related roles. I guess my true identity and the one that will never change or go away is my identity as a child of God. His beloved. If I remember to see myself as this I will not ever feel lost or orphaned because I will always belong to Him and be a part of His kingdom.

"They will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." John 14:12

Once again I have bee reflecting on these words again thinking about the greater works Jesus' is talking about. Have you seen any greater works recently? How would you describe them and what would they look like? I think these greater works are works that the "Church" is doing right now in urban areas, in churches, and in the lives of His people. For example:

Last week 3 of us in my home congregation had major surgeries; a heart by-pass and valve repair, Trigeminal Neuralgia neurosurgery and a total knee replacement. Any one of these operations could have had debilitating results or life ending results instead prayers began descending the heavenward before the scheduled dates, on the day and every day since. God has done a great work all of us had good outcomes, we are recovering one-day-at-a-time with successes and set backs. 

The journeys each of us have been on have varied in length and yet the church has been amid the curves, valleys, swamps, and hills regardless if skies have been blue or grey someone has reached out with a word or a card or email or visit. The chruch body has been there with meals, cards, flowers, visits, laundry help, no bake cookies and cupcakes.  

Greater works, yes they are happening in the church we just have to open the "eyes of our hearts" and see them. Because they are there in all of God's glory and goodness.

Saying Goodbye

The news came via a message in Facebook that a friend from Fremont had passed away in the middle of February. The memories came rushing back of listening her play her organ, watching her grow spiritually and the conversations we had along the way, gatherings with her family and some of the banquets we attended together. I was also friends with some of her kids and would babysit for them. I was not able to go the funeral because I did not have a ride of a car but modern technology allowed me to leave a note to the family.

The weekend came and I was told of another friend, one I called aunt had passed away unexpectedly and what a shock. My sister and I did go to that funeral and we were able to reminisces with others and she died two days before my mom did 18 years earlier.

A week ago more news came of another friend who had cancer had completed her earthly journey and her memorial was earlier this week. Fond memories of staying with them during a conference, retreats, ceramics, cake decorating, and other crafts. Even though we didn't see each other a lot we were always able to pick up right were we had left off the last time and spend hours talking.

I is so hard to say good-bye. Each person that goes it is like a part of me is leaving too. I am so thankful for the encouragement of the scripture that says I will see them all again. The Good-bye is only for now being and if for no other reason that the hope to see everyone again I would believe in Heaven. I relish the peace that belief gives me as I walk along this earthly road. I enjoy the hope that one day I will see all the people I love again in new form.

Hebrews 12:1 states, "Now that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside the weights that bring us down, the sin that so easily besets us." The scripture has a real meaning to me now as those whom I love are in that cloud of witnesses.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I can hardly believe that another year is coming to an end and in 13 more days we will be celebrating 2013! It has been a long year and yet other ways it has flown by like time had been given wings. It is very hard for me to describe this year but I can say God has continued to lead me, guide me and teach me.

            A joyous New Year’s Party at the Zimmerman’s house started the year and it was so good to get to know them on a more personal level and to just fellowship is what started my New Year off.

            In February grandchild number 8 made his debut on February 25, at 7:00 and turned a day that 6 years earlier marked a day of sorrow to a day of rejoicing. Thomas Jack Eli Rastall joined the family and as Gwen stated at one point, “Ain’t that just like God, He recycles.” Maybe in some ways he does but I do know for sure He restores and He restored some joy to my heart that day.

            I also thought I had found a job that month but it turns out that an allergy to cats is more limiting that I ever knew and had to give the job up. So the job hunt continued and at that point unemployment decided that I had voluntarily quit and cut me off from all benefits completely. That decision left me without any income and really caused me to question if I was in God’s will and where I might have ran off the road.

            I kept sending out resumes and kept myself available and kept searching. Another opportunity came my way in May with a home care agency that was attempting to establish a presence in the Muskegon area.

            June brought Sam and Brian and the kids came for a visit in June but I was living with my Aunt and she did not feel she could handle the house full of kids and added adults so the wonderful Ms. Elaine Klemm came to our rescue and let them stay at her home. What a tremendous blessing to myself and the kids. I found out later that the house became Ambree’s dream house. Thankfully it was warm enough in June to spend much time swimming and at the beach. Sam and Brian continue to stay with his parents in IL while he completed a property management course and continued job hunting himself. Currently Gwen, 9 and Ambree, 8 are homeschooled and Abi 2 and Thomas Jack now 9 months on Christmas day are enjoying the time with Grandma and Grandpa.

            Mike and Kary remain in Muskegon and both are now working with Port City Products. Mike had to have carpal tunnel surgery this summer but has healed well. Laben 11, Noah 8, Jaylee 4, and Acelynn 2 keep both parents very busy. The boys played pee-wee football at Oakridge this fall and were very excited that Laben team earned first place and Noah’s team came in third. Jaylee started “pretty school” this fall which is her terminology for pre-school. At Ravenna head start she cooks and draws pictures.

            Tim has relocated to Grand Rapids working with Springthrough as an application developer. He has a house on Wealthy St. and has a special someone he has been communicating with since this fall.

            The year is closing out another holiday season upon on us and again I find myself searching for a job. Spending time with Mike and Kary and the kids and enjoying some Sunday dinners together. I was blessed with a color tour through the U.P. and enjoyed another CCDA conference in the great Twin Cities that God opened doors for a day before it started. Elaine took me and another friend to the Gaither Homecoming Christmas concert which was really a 4 hour worship service and blessed my holiday fun.

I have experienced His care for me in ways that have been tailored just for me and I am overwhelmed how God brought so many moments together for me. The scripture that has been permeating my spirit this season is, “and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.” Luke 2:7 (NIV) I am looking in my own heart to make sure there is room for Jesus. How about you? Is there room for Jesus? I want Him to have all the room He wants and I surrender all has taken new meaning for me. This is not easy for me because I had ideas and plans but I am so thankful that God loves me too much to leave with a deceitful heart about all else or a heart of stone but is giving me that heart of flesh.

Thank you my friends and family for blessing my life in ways that has made me a better person all around. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.