Well, here it is another February come and going, thankfully. This a month with anniversaries I would sometimes like to forget. The two best days of Feb are the first which is Sam's birthday and now the 25th which is Thomas' birthday. There are four days which family members left earth for their heavenly reward.
The 25th is also the day that Mike, my husband died. The day that changed my world forever and this year I am having a rough time. The tears are close and I am not sure what I will do tomorrow.
Feb 26-
The day is over and I slept till noon and watched some tv, journaled and went to bed. Also called and sang Happy Birthday to Thomas. Still feeling wispy and wondering what it would be like if he were still here but really he was too sick for that.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Monday, February 10, 2014
Prime of Life
Loved this book. The characters were vividly described and woven into
the plot of this book expertly. It was suspenseful to keep me
interested. Plot continued to thicken as the story went on and there was
a conclusion but also left some to the imagination. Well written for a
first time book.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Pages
I am a widow. There I have said it and I have been a widow for 7 years. It has taken me a long time to use the "w" word after all I was only 47 when I entered that club. It has been a journey that I never imagined. Probably a good thing one can not imagine what that journey is like and the journey is different for every widow.
My journey started out as one in shock which I believe I was in throughout the entire first year. I cried a lot and most certainly every time I was in church. The question I was asked during these times was, "Are you on something?" I finally got to the point I wanted to punch the next person that asked me that. But maybe I should have taken that as a cue that I was in a very emotional state at that time and maybe should have sought medical care. However, I was without insurance and knew I was grieving and figured I would "get over it". Not realizing I was a very broken person and may have needed medical help I marched through everyday the best I could. I was job hunting, going to school, and trying to keep a roof over my head. I really went through each day as kind of a blur and just glad when the day was over. God was with me regardless of the fact that I was mad at Him and I have figured out that He was holding on to me because He loved me. I just could not understand, why now? We had decided that I should finish up school for my RN and Mike was working at a local radio station a few hours a week. The kids were doing good Mike was taking our son to and from work some days. Another was married and the third in college. Everything seemed ok,settled and a little comfortable.
Then came that shocking February, Saturday morning and my world was forever changed. The next thing I knew I was calling EMS, the police arrived, the corner, and finally the funeral home. My pastor's wife was called and she called other church members, I started calling the kids, then my siblings and as word spread friends and family starting arriving to help, comfort, and guide me through the rest of the day. Day one done. Next came planning the funeral and to our surprise the announcer for the local hockey team announced His condolences which made the local paper before anything else did. More messages and cards poured in and God gave me a scripture for each day of hope and comfort. The rest of the year was very much a blur and I remained in shock. I did not want to get out of bed, look for a job, eat, or much of anything else but I did want to die.
The next shock wave came in August when the Pastor died of a heart attack while on vacation and at this point I felt truly defeated. Lost. A drift in a life I no longer wanted to participate in and yet I kept breathing.
My journey started out as one in shock which I believe I was in throughout the entire first year. I cried a lot and most certainly every time I was in church. The question I was asked during these times was, "Are you on something?" I finally got to the point I wanted to punch the next person that asked me that. But maybe I should have taken that as a cue that I was in a very emotional state at that time and maybe should have sought medical care. However, I was without insurance and knew I was grieving and figured I would "get over it". Not realizing I was a very broken person and may have needed medical help I marched through everyday the best I could. I was job hunting, going to school, and trying to keep a roof over my head. I really went through each day as kind of a blur and just glad when the day was over. God was with me regardless of the fact that I was mad at Him and I have figured out that He was holding on to me because He loved me. I just could not understand, why now? We had decided that I should finish up school for my RN and Mike was working at a local radio station a few hours a week. The kids were doing good Mike was taking our son to and from work some days. Another was married and the third in college. Everything seemed ok,settled and a little comfortable.
Then came that shocking February, Saturday morning and my world was forever changed. The next thing I knew I was calling EMS, the police arrived, the corner, and finally the funeral home. My pastor's wife was called and she called other church members, I started calling the kids, then my siblings and as word spread friends and family starting arriving to help, comfort, and guide me through the rest of the day. Day one done. Next came planning the funeral and to our surprise the announcer for the local hockey team announced His condolences which made the local paper before anything else did. More messages and cards poured in and God gave me a scripture for each day of hope and comfort. The rest of the year was very much a blur and I remained in shock. I did not want to get out of bed, look for a job, eat, or much of anything else but I did want to die.
The next shock wave came in August when the Pastor died of a heart attack while on vacation and at this point I felt truly defeated. Lost. A drift in a life I no longer wanted to participate in and yet I kept breathing.
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