The Undoing of Christmas

I have been listening to a sermon series entitled, "What Would Jesus Undo?" It has been a very interesting series and it is currently interrupted for Advent services. Regardless I am finding that the title of that message is haunting my life right now. The gifts I am giving this year are homemade gifts, gifts from the kitchen, and those types of things. Now there is a part of me that is at peace with this but another part of me is bemoaning the fact that I cannot buy what I want for my children and grandchildren. So goes the war. I am throwing this out there just to get it out because my heart's desire is to really make Jesus the center of my Christmas so I do not think spending money for gifts that people don't need or just to add more things to their collections is what Jesus would do at Christmas time. I think he would find someone that is lonely and be their friend, find someone hungry and feed them, or find someone cold and buy them a coat.

So I am excited about what I am giving my grand kids and am excited to share the season with them it will be one less toy to get broke but it will be filled with a grand ma's love. I will be spending time with my kids and grand kids making memories which in this short span of time we have here on earth is something that lasts.

Leaning and Learining

I can not believe the year is almost gone. To catch up; Samantha and Brian are in Illinois staying with his parents as he continues to search for a job. He had an interview last week and we are hoping to hear good news. Sam is working at Walgreens and a Rastall baby boy should arrive at the end of February. Gwen, 8 and Ambree, 7 are home schooled by Sam and Brian. Abi 21months is talking more, picking out her clothes, and setting herself at the table.

Mike and Kary are busy with the four kids.  Kary is job hunting. Laben is 10 and in 4th grade, Noah 7 and in 2nd grade. Jaylee will be 3, and Acelynn is 16 months. The girls are walking and talking up a storm. The boys are doing well in school and are in cub scouts.

Tim is working and living in Lansing working at IBM.

I am living with my Aunt and sending out resumes, volunteering at Love, INC and doing stuff at church.

Last year I noticed my theme song was, "The Potter Knows the Clay"and it has continued along with a collection of other songs and along the way I have been learning about clay. Did you know that when clay is kneaded it forms networks of bridges and if the bridge is not formed it is a weak spot and can break the whole pot? Did you know the are 4 main types of clay with 30 varieties in each type? Did you know that there are a number of tools a potter uses to make designs and shapes on the pot, to trim excess clay off the pot, and to measure dimensions of the pot? Did you know that if the pot is all broken the potter can "reclaim" the clay by soaking the shards in water to be able to pull together a lump of clay to reshape the pot?

I now know this about pottery and can identify with all of these techniques used in my own life over the past few years. The Potter continues to reclaim, shape, renew, mold and loves me on in this journey of life.

 I am a "reclaimed" clay pot, a restored clay pot, and continuing to listen and seek how to best represent the Kingdom of God here and now. Working with Twice Fed has been one way finding people to cook and add a program or two along the way. I have been taking classes in Urban Missions through City Vision College on line. I went to a CCDA conference in October as a volunteer, went to the am Bible study, and learned from the plenary's. I started volunteering at Love, INC in November and I have been challenged in learning new skills. I am still challenged with doing projection at church and have learned to load the sermons on our web site. Wednesday morning I have been going to Yeshi Yoga and have really enjoyed the challenge. Thursday afternoons is a wonderful Bible study with the Ladies Fellowship this year we are in II Samuel.

I have had interviews for jobs, been sent recruiting offers from Texas and insurance companies. I am waiting for an answer from the last interview after the first of the year. I will be preparing to go to Il at the end of February to be with Samantha when she has the baby and also looking forward to when she and the girls arrive after Christmas. I will spend Christmas day with Tim in Lansing and Christmas Eve at Mike and Kary's and my sisters.

The journey continues seeking, praying, waiting and listening to the Potter and what may come in 2012.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Thank you for being part of my life.
Katrina 

Other plans

November 13, 2011
I have had my RN almost 2 years now  and I am still no closer to working as an RN as I was before. Interviews have come and gone and the companies have moved on. So here I am with no where to go.

The word God gave in October of 2007 has  not come to into fulfillment. I am living with my Aunt Sandy. My income is still unemployment and I still feel suspended in mid air. No where to go, nothing to be. Today this heavy cloud has hung over me that my life is just slipping away and then I read someone's obit see what they accomplished in their years and I feel even more a loser.

Am I where God wants me? Am I doing what he wants me to do? Does he have a plan for me?

The Clay Pot

I have been thinking about clay pots particularly since hearing the song "The Potter Knows The Clay". Did you know there are only 4 kinds of clay but 30 plus varieties? I did not know this. I have also found out the firing hear and time is different depending on if you are firing a fine ceramic piece or a jug. Each piece also has a different time around the wheel depending on what you are making, how big it will be and how much shaping is done.

I have thought about the marred spot in the, "⁴ But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands;" Jer. 18:4a; TNIV and have found out that if you leave that spot it is the weakest area of the vessel because a strong network and bridges have not been formed.  In this case the potter just formed another pot and sometimes that is the better action instead of trying to fix the marred area. I liken to this as my early years walking with the Lord in that learning stage where I accepted so many things as gospel only to find out later that it was not quite. Over the years beliefs, attitudes and doctrine has been chipped away and reshaped.

He may reshape us during the years into a useable pot working out the marred spots or starting over and making a new pot. Into this pot he puts that treasure for us to carry, share, announce and spread around. Many times I have died to something so that I might live the gospel and Jesus' life is revealing itself in my mortal body causing me the desire to be more Christ-like. I am grateful for the remodeling and reshaping.
^"7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body." 2 Cor 4:7; 11 TNIV

I have also researched reclaiming the clay. I found out if a jar is too cracked, chipped or broken it can be broken and crushed and soaked in water and then spread on a marble table to dry out some of the water and then used to shape another pot. I looked this up after I came across the song, "He Doesn't Throw the Clay Away." Again I have notices that He does not throw us away no matter how far away from we go, how angry we get with him, or how often we reject Him. When the pot becomes to broken and shattered He reclaims the clay and makes another vessel to put us back into his service and life and to continue to mold and shape us to be more like His Son and one day I will be fully like Jesus. He is shaping me to extend my life in His kingdom and community. He is shaping me into a vessel of honor.
^"20But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.  ²¹If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work." 1 Tim 2:20-21TNIV Preparing me to do good works I am not able to imagine at this point in time. A vessel to carry out the work Jesus began here on earth so many years ago.

Becoming this vessel of honor has not been easy but uncomfortable and very painful at times. I have rebelled, ran, and rejected what God has wanted to do in my life. I have resented how others have seem to have had it so "good" and life seems to be coming together for them despite their hard times. I have resented the place on the potter's wheel that He has had me and complained of being dizzy from the turning. Yet I am only seeing this pot from the inside out. I have not always submitted to God's will. I only know a piece of what is happening in my life now.

As of yet I must not be done because when I am I will have a beautiful design. Of course the completeness is not revealed this side of heaven I don't think when I shall finally be like my Savior but the Father has kept working on me. Some days it is easier to submit that other days and when I do the day is nice. Some days I feel that I am submitting but don't know why. The submission is the key. The chorus of "The Potter Knows the Clay goes like this;  

"But the Potter knows the clay/
How much pressure it can take/
How many times around the wheel/
‘Til there’s submission to His will/
he’s planned a beautiful design/
but it’ll take some fire and time/
its gonna be okay/
‘cause the Potter knows the clay/" by Marcia Henry and Allie Lapointe I see this in my life so much and He sees, He knows, and it is gonna be okay.

October 31

Today is my sister's anniversary...19 years. I is Samhain a Celtic harvest festival. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samhain has a very good article about it. But now it is beginning to feel more offically of Fall with the rain and most of the leaves gone from the trees and it getting dark so much earlier.

I Can't Even

I have been sitting here this evening listening to different songs and have gotten stuck on the song by Joyce and Colbert Croft, "I Can't Even Walk Without You Holding My Hand." "When God Has Another Plan", is another song I have been struck by tonight. Even though I am not sure of the theology of God having another plan it has a lot to say in it especially the chorus that says,

 "When God has another plan walk on and just say yes, when God has another plans be assured he knows best, when all your dreams are shattered walk rest in his sufficient grace we don't have to understand."

These songs have just brought home to me one more time that it is in submitting to God's will and trusting him is the only way I can get anywhere. Anything I try to do in my own strength is built on shifting sand and will not stand the test of time or the storm that is to come.

I do want to know the why's but my knowing won't change the outcome or get the task done any better or faster. His grace is sufficient and like God said to Job,

¹ And now, finally, GOD answered Job from the eye of a violent storm. He said:
² "Why do you confuse the issue? Why do you talk without knowing what you're talking about?
³ Pull yourself together, Job! Up on your feet! Stand tall! I have some questions for you, and I want some straight answers.
⁴ Where were you when I created the earth? Tell me, since you know so much!
Job 38:1-4a (MSG)

Halfway Plus

I noticed from my last posting it was January. Again since then many things have happened and life has continued to come each 24 hours. 

I am no longer at the highrise but I like the name so it will continue to be my blog title. Two things happened one, I was written up for not showing an ID 8 times and  I wrote a letter to the newspaper regarding life at the highrise and management pursued evicting me. The other thing is I needed to move 6 months prior to being evicted and didn't. I moved in with my aunt in March.


Mike has been gone 6 years now. 


I took some classes for a Bachelors, and right now I am taking a break. I started yoga. I am finding cooks for Twice Fed again. I went back to choir hopefully the anxiety attacks will quell.
Abi turned 1 in March and Acelynn turned 1 in August. Mike and Kary celebrated 5 years in May and Brian and Sam celebrated 8 years in July. 

Sam and the girls came up for Zac's open house and Brian came with them for Ace's party. I took Jaylee down with me to Sam and Brian's over Memorial holiday and Laben over Labor day holiday.


Summer cell has come and went, and so has Fremont Baby Food Festival, and Irish fest is coming up.


I have had 3 interviews and hoping for the clinical analyst at NOCH.  I have 8 weeks of unemployment left.


The journey of the last 6 years has been a series of valley's, twists and turns with moments of joy splashed in. My faith crashed when Mike died. The anger overtook me and I became much like a two year old having a tantrum. God held on to me and gently and sometimes not so gently guided me through it all. 


This journey has been a molding of a clay vessel. The old vessel was cracked, chipped, weak, and just too broken to be molded anymore. So God reclaimed the clay. (google it) Now a new vessel is being molded. This process has included getting rid of doctrine and belief's that were not really Biblically sound but random scriptures that had been pulled out of context and used as doctrine. Like when you plant money as a seed you will reap 100 fold or Jesus' healed them all miraculously. I believed there was a chance that when I died God would say I am sorry I can't let you in because you did this back then. True I had a very hard time seeing anything good about me and because of that I could not believe God would give me any gifts or want me around in heaven but I was to used then cancel the deal at the last minute. 


All things of scripture I was looking at through eyes of a child who grew up not being liked by the adults raising her, perceptions of several church doctrines and just accepting what I was told was truth just to be accepted by someone yet never feeling accepted by anyone. Don't get me wrong I know in there own way some of the adults loved me but they didn't know how to show that love because of their own stunted growth. Most people do this type of sorting out in their twenties and then there are the stragglers who don't do it until 50.   So God molded new eyes for me to look through and showed me grace.


As a new vessel I am learning that this is a Kingdom of God mission. That message has become reality after twenty years of hearing and teaching it. Our time on the earth is not just waiting for Jesus to come back (i knew that, we are to occupy until he comes) but now I know what I am to do to occupy. I am finally starting to live Isaiah 61 not realizing this was something that was to be done by me and not someone else. I did not want to deal with, loving the unlovable close up, or being involved on the ground level. I could teach someone else the principals and they could do the dirty work.  The Potter had other ideas for a while this pot could catch some tears.

I have learned there is a difference between Kingdom thinking and Christian thinking. They don't always agree or line up in the main streams of theological thought. Kingdom thinking is not suppose to Christian thinking should line up with Kingdom thinking but the majority don't. So there is this remnant that The Potter keeps shaping and molding.


I learned a lot about grace and how much I need it and how much I don't give it and how much I should and could give it and I am learning how much it has been given to me. I have learned God loves me, He knows my name, and He will run after me and take care of me. I have relearned the one day at a time concept and letting today's trouble be enough and what bread and water I need in that day The Potter gives. Trusting him is one day at a time too and some days I fail. But getting back up is the key. 


I am learning when all is said and done it is how I finish even with the goofs, failures, successes, and victories over the years. 


I am still on The Potter's wheel he has worked the mars out of the pot, I have treasure in this jar of clay and he has reclaimed me to work me into a vessel of honor. And as of today ALL is not said nor done.

His Story

 His birth was shrouded around scandal his mother pregnant before being with her husband. He was going to walk away quietly but was given a dream telling him it would be ok for him to marry her. He was born in a stable of all places where the air was pungent with the smell of manure and the animals were probably munching and smacking on left over grain and hay from their evening meal oblivious to the fact that the God of the universe had just been laid in one of their mangers. The only visitors that night were not grandparents and aunts and uncles but shepherds and the animals housed in the stable.

As a toddler a death warrant was put on his life by a insecure, jealous King ignorant of his own spirituality. He became aliens in the land of Egypt a foreign country to him and when he did return home it was to a small town covering about 60 acres and a population of approximately 500. An obscure village of farmers and artisans on the crossroads of the highway between Egypt and Mesopotamia called Nazareth, a town in Galilee. It was later asked if anything good can come from this town. He did. 

At the age of 33 he was surrounded himself with fisherman, tax collectors, and what the religious leaders called “sinners”. Some were impulsive, hot headed, a thief, a betrayer, and a doubter. He was misunderstood, his own town folk that wanted to kill him and his own people did not accept him. The reminder of the scandal of his birth was always present as he was referred to as, “Mary’s son.”  We all have a story.

Do I believe I can be better?
What is my dream?
Have I given up on my body?
Have I given up on relationships?
Let God remind me whose I am so I can be who I am.
Let go of the road blocks.

This was inspired by a group of sermons I have heard lately and what I have been struggling with in my own life right now. I have to admit there is a part of me that just wants to give it up and sit here and waste away. Not very glorifying to the Father that created me in His image or to the life I have led up to this point. So I am trying to take up the challenge given to me at CCDA to dream again and let my Father show me the good things he has for me.