I pray Dear God tell me what is wrong with me. The depression won't go away. I have been crying since last week off and on and called my job counselor and my counselor but everything is still up in the air. The feelings run on forever and just won't stop. One minuet I am frustrated because I feel so rotten and then scold myself because I have much to be thankful for. Then I feel lonely and then I talk to one of my kids on line or someone on face book or go see Pam but I feel lonely. Its like it is something that never goes away no matter how many people are around.
I spent the weekend with Sam's family in IN and I got some great pics of the kids. Good drive there and back. Mike's family is settled temporarily, and Tim starts a job in Lansing at IBM this week. But I am bummed.
I am feeling used up like I have been doing so much for everybody for so long that there is no more of me left. I keep attracting situations that require more of my emotion or some one trying to get money from me to bail them out or those that need a babysitter. I get to Wed at work and the next two days are all down hill. I am tired and can't wake up, I tearful and by Friday every step I take is labored. Maybe I am paying penance for not being more understanding of Mike. I don't know but it is crap and I need to find a way out of this.
I think God's grace is sufficient but don't know how to access the sufficiency. I know God will fight for me but don't know if he is or if I am letting him. I sure do not feel he is answering me when I ask to show me the problem or how to get out of this. I have tried medication and the effects are temporary until the hormones swing then nothing seems to work. Its Paul stating I do the things I don't want to and don't do the things I want to. Except there seems no solution for my problem at least with Paul's there is now no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus.
Help.
