Saturday, July 11, 2009
July 4
The holiday went well. Cookout at Mike's and then fireworks from the 9th floor window. I enjoyed being with the kids. Tim went off with some friends for the evening. Sometimes life acts like it is returning to a routine and most of the time it is. Occasionly some memory is triggered and I first get angry then figure out why. Maybe God can redirect my emotion to something else when a memory is triggered instead of anger.
Anger
Anger has been my nemesis for many years and sometimes it is strange to me how this is the first emotion that comes to my attention. There has been a lot of anger that I have dealt with the past three years surrounding Mike's death and the grief process. I am finding it strange that the anger is so ready to come to the surface.
I have been dealing recently with the anger again and as I was making something to eat this evening it came to me as to why. I am back working 7p-7a and when I was on that shift before Mike made sure supper was ready before I left for work most of the time and if I was not up and moving by a certain time he would check to see why. It if funny the things you miss and the things you have to change when someone close to you is no longer there. I am still finding out what this new life is like as a single person after being a couple for so long. The years go on and after all the big firsts it is the little things that really create a void that this person is no longer a part of my life. It has been those little things that sometimes have created the largest void that in all reality will be the most difficult to fill. Like hooking up the cable box to the tv and dvd player so you can play dvd's on the tv. I will work it out but it is an inconvenience right now but I can play them on the computer.
I am thankful for a heavenly Father that is there to coach me through these times. Prayer and gratitude ebb away the anger because I have been blessed with many new good things like new friendships from church and school and where I live. I have been blessed with a simpler life and the accomplishment of finishing school. Good communication grows between my kids and I and I love the 5 grandchildren I have and who always miss me. It is becoming a good life.
I have been dealing recently with the anger again and as I was making something to eat this evening it came to me as to why. I am back working 7p-7a and when I was on that shift before Mike made sure supper was ready before I left for work most of the time and if I was not up and moving by a certain time he would check to see why. It if funny the things you miss and the things you have to change when someone close to you is no longer there. I am still finding out what this new life is like as a single person after being a couple for so long. The years go on and after all the big firsts it is the little things that really create a void that this person is no longer a part of my life. It has been those little things that sometimes have created the largest void that in all reality will be the most difficult to fill. Like hooking up the cable box to the tv and dvd player so you can play dvd's on the tv. I will work it out but it is an inconvenience right now but I can play them on the computer.
I am thankful for a heavenly Father that is there to coach me through these times. Prayer and gratitude ebb away the anger because I have been blessed with many new good things like new friendships from church and school and where I live. I have been blessed with a simpler life and the accomplishment of finishing school. Good communication grows between my kids and I and I love the 5 grandchildren I have and who always miss me. It is becoming a good life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)